Wish you a happy and scammy Diwali
Diwali scams edition
Happy Diwali🪔 to everyone except the honest and upright people. Know this; you honest guys are the root cause of income inequality in the world. By not redistributing income (scamming and defrauding people), you guys are making income inequality worse. If you people were indeed honest, you'd be robbing rich people and solving income inequality.
This is a grand festive season, so you have two choices: you can eat heavily and build a diversified portfolio of unhealthy carbs and fat or redistribute income (scam people). Festivals are a goldmine of income redistribution opportunities (scam). Here are a few ideas:
Steal crackers and diyas from your neighbours and leave a ransom note and a QR code of your UPI handle demanding ransom. Once they pay you, drop the crackers and diyas at a mutually agreed location
Pay a bunch of bulky people to start bursting crackers right beside someone's house. Ask the people in the house for money to make the problem go away
Dress as fake cops and fine people saying that you got noise complaints
Light some crackers and throw them at two neighbouring houses and cause a fight between them. As they are arguing steal some TVs, mobiles, fridges etc. and sell them back for 50% the price
Offer to follow and slap someone whenever they feel like binge eating in return for money. Once you’re in a house, steal whatever you can and hide them in a neihnors’s house and cause a fight between them. Steal stuff from the other neighbour’s house while they fight - Sun Tzu style.
Since all you guys will be enjoying the festivities with your loved ones, and trying very hard not to kill your relatives with atom bombs, no income redistribution opportunities this week. I'll let you enjoy this week.
This has been one dreadful fucking year. Given the long weekend, spend some time scamming your loved ones. Sorry, I meant spend some time enjoying with your loved ones.